So after not weighing myself for 3 months I got the courage to step on the scale. The number wasn't as bad as I had anticipated but it was still a wake up call to see the scale jump 16lbs in a 3 month period. I went from 164 back up to my goal weight of 180. That was what I needed though. I needed to see the numbers in black and white.
Part of me made excuses for my bad food choices as I work out so much and am so active. But this goes to show depsite having the mal absorption aspect, smaller portion and exercise YOU CAN STILL GAIN WEIGHT!!! I brought in the reins and re-evaluated my food decisions. Starbucks needs to be a treat not a daily. Pizza, wings, fries, sugar, carbs all in moderation and special occasions no more daily indulgence. Low and behold I changed those things and dropped 5 of the 16lbs. I am a work in progress, I always will be. I am a fighter. Having an addiction to food is a daily battle and now I need to work on accepting it will be a battle for the rest of my life. It can be exhausting to constantly obsess about food and every time I put something in my mouth wonder if I'm gaining weight. The mind is a powerful thing and this isn't healthy thinking. I've recently been back in touch with the occupational therapsit to help with the mind issues. I want to be happy, healthy inside and out.
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Honestly I have fallen off track with my food choices. Slowly things have been creeping back into my diet. Now that I'm 1 1/2 years post op I can pretty much eat anything and everything without getting sick. Portion sizes have increased drastically as well. It's a real wake up call now that I have to put the effort in and not rely on my surgery tool.
I haven't weighed myself in 3 months because I know I have gained weight and the sheer terror of seeing the numbers scale deters me from getting on. It's scary when I can eat 3 pieces of pizza plus chicken wings. I can eat 2 cups of salad and 1/4 of quesadilla. I even ate 2 donuts from Tim Hortons one day. At least I have realized that I have fallen off track and I need to get back on. I need to stop using excuses that it's a birthday, girls night out, vacation, just because I exercise everyday is no excuse to make poor food choices. These last 2 weeks have been better get back on track. I pre-made salads for the week and keep my salad dressing at work so it's easy to just grab and go. If the junk isn't in the house it's not there to eat as well. Now late night snacking is becoming a bad habit. After dinner laying in bed and I get so hungry. Last night I made granola, yogurt and fruit which was a healthy alternative to something carb related. I've come to realize food will always be a problem and struggle for the rest of my life. I was hopping the stress of that would go away with weightloss and surgery. It feels like a big cloud hanging over my head. As I said before I am a food addict. Food is always going to be there. Food is my drug of choice. Even with my RNY tool I can still indulge. At 14 months out I can eat up to 1 cup of food and don't get sick as often as I did in the past. I can now tolerate bread, some bites of a hamburger, and other things that aren't good food choices. Every day is a choice to stay on track and pick a healthy food or a bad food. I have learned recently that I just can't have 'bad" food in the house. That 1 tub of ice cream, that 1 chocolate bar, that bag of cookies...I buy in small amounts for my other family members but the thing is if it's there I WILL EAT IT!!! After being on vacation and eating out...snacking on shit food. It's so easy to fall back into old habits. It has been extremely difficult to get back on track this week. I have made the decision though not to bring any more of that crap into my home. I don't need it and neither does my family. I also need to resort back to basics and think about portion control. Lately I have been finding myself wanting to eat at night and I feel so extremely hungry. I will have something to eat and 30 min later I'm hungry again. I don't want to deprive myself if I feel hungry because then bad food choices start. Veggies are an awesome low cal choice that I can feel guilt free about binge eating. I prefer fruit over veggies, more cals but still a healthier choice over a muffin or something loaded with carbs. This was one of my breakfast's in Cranbrook at a Cafe. Not bad and fairly healthy. I skipped the muffin and brought it home with me (as a food addict I can't handle throwing out food!!) almost a week later and it is still sitting in my fridge. I ate about 1/2 the yogurt parfait. The next morning I had scrambled egg whites with spinach, tomatoes and feta in a wrap. That was also a fairly smart food choice. My brother made this delicious casserole. Although not a healthy choice as it had cream cheese and pasta in it. I ate the bun and 1/2 the casserole. Stopped in Creston and Keremeos on the way home. This is what 100$ of fruit and veggies looks like. This is the best tasting produce I have ever bought and worth every penny. Peaches, nectarines, apples,apricots, rainier and bing cherries, plums, strawberries, blueberries, garlic and a cucumber. I always try to stay stocked with fruit and veggies on hand so I can grab a handful or a piece of fruit and eat it on the go instead of something pre packaged. It's also helpful to have things prepped in containers so I can just grab a container and munch in my car on the way to work...or if hungry for a snack, all the prep is done. No excuses.
Back on track my meals of a typical day consist of this: Breakfast-Protein shake or protein bar ( I prefer CLIFF brand) Lunch- Salad or dinner left overs. Sometimes cheese/crackers with a fruit Dinner-Protien (usually chicken) and a veg (salad or cooked veggies) Snacks-fruit and veg I am a food addict. This was a hard thing to admit. Despite being almost 400lbs I was in denial about being a food addict. I loved food! I would tell myself in general I didn't eat that bad, but compared to what I eat now....I ate bad!!! A good day for me pre op was laying in bed with a mash of my favorite tv shows. Staying in my pajama's and seeking out all the bad foods in my house. Ice cream, pop, chocolate. Laying in bed watching TV and binge eating. Maybe with a nap maybe not....that was a good day for me. Now a good day is getting in a heavy workout and eating a delicious salad. I didn't admit to being a food addict until I was about 8 months post op. I didn't want to be known as a food addict. But I'm ok to admit that now. I still am a food addict. I just have a tool to help me keep it under control and now the education and love for healthy foods. The program that I am in located in Richmond is pretty forgiving when they prep you for surgery. The Victoria program is an all liquid diet for 2-3 weeks before surgery. Boost, boost and more boost or glucerna. The most horrible drinks ever! I am so thankful that I could eat real food and only had to down 1 of those horrid shakes a day. The above is a photo of my pre op diet that was customized to me. I had to eat the same thing every day for 3 weeks. By the last week I couldn't get it all in and was getting sick of it. Trying to mix the food up in different recipes was fun. I don't cook but it was enjoyable to try out new things such as wraps and cauliflower crust pizza. This was my pizza, it crumbled but tasted amazing! This was my dinner most nights. I used the iceberg lettuce, chicken, tortilla and a touch of french dressing for some flavour.
After surgery my diet was strict liquids for 3 weeks. Chicken broth and protein shakes is pretty much what I ate. 1 week post op I pureed some cottage cheese and thinned it with skimmed milk....it tasted so amazingly good! Who would have thought? I got through my 3 weeks liquid and transitioned to puree's for 2 weeks. I definitely wanted some real food by this point so I pureed a taco, shell and all. It worked! Again tasted amazing! After puree's was soft food for 2 weeks. I tried eggs and they didn't sit well. Cottage cheese and greek yogurt were pretty much my staples. As the weeks and months went by I slowly tried new things. Some things stayed down some didn't. My food addiction would come into play and I would eat ice cream, chocolate, maybe something deep fried. I tell you I only had to "dump" once from a food before I would despise it. DUMPING-This is when the food empties from the pouch into the small intestine too quickly. It can occur with foods high in sugar and fat. Also if u drink before 30min after a meal. The symptoms are sweating, shakes, rapid heart beat, massive cramps, pain, nausea, vomiting and diarrhea. You can get all the symptoms or just some. Dumping is a horrible thing to experience. Dairy Queen was one of my favorite places and of course I had to test my limits and have a few bites of a blizzard. I dumped. Few months later I had a small hot fudge sundae, I dumped. I no longer visit dairy queen because it isn't worth the pain afterwards. Generally I do have a few food intolerances since surgery. Eggs and potatoes hurt so bad in my tummy, anything greasy like bacon or deep fried I puke. To much sugar I puke or dump. Nuts....I puke. NO peanut butter or almond milk...I get soooo sick. No pasta and I limit bread/rice as it can make my tummy hurt as well. As long as I stick to my basic foods I am fine. Now a year post op I will list my normal diet routine. Breakfast: Protein Shake Lunch: I have a combination. Salad:salad and fruit:soup and crackers: wrap or left overs from dinner Dinner: Protein (chicken, beef) and a Veg. Sometimes its a salad or a plate of steamed veggies. If I get hungry in the evening I usually have a salad, or some fruit, maybe some cheese and crackers. I do enjoy other food from time to time but keep it in moderation and try to order it on the healthy side. I like sushi, also Starbucks (non fat) even a cookie here and there. But rather then eating a row or 5 cookies I have 1 cookie. Rather then eating a bag of dorritos, I have a handful. I allow myself these treats because I am so active and do the work at the gym to compensate. My food portion is about 3/4 cup to 1 cup of food and I can usually eat that in about 20 min. One rule I find hard to comply with is the drinking rule. No drinking 30 min before a meal or 30 min after. If I do find I need to have a drink I only take a few sips. No carbonated beverages either. I know this sounds like a lot but I don't miss any of it. Yes I get a craving for a McDonalds cheeseburger every once in awhile but truth is watermelon and cherries taste so much better and mentally I know I'm putting something healthy and natural in me. Not a processed, chemical mess. Surgery has taken away my ability to eat large quantities and a lot of crap food but it doesn't take away the cravings. As a food addict every day, every meal is a struggle and conscious decision to eat right and healthy. To nourish my body for health and strength, not for pleasure. |
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