I've made it just over the 2 year post op mark. I have to admit I still have daily fears of gaining the weight back. I have wondered if that will ever go away, talking to some people it sounds like this will be a constant nag in the back of my head. I have been trying to learn to deal with shutting off that voice but sometimes I think it is a good reminder to stay on track. It still amazes me when I come across old photos that pop up on social media. When I was my before size I knew I was fat but I thought I looked OK. I look at those photos now and hate how I look, I loathe that body. I see sadness in my eyes depsite the smile on my face. I feel embarrasment for myself that I allowed myself to get that big. That being said I had never been normal size or skinny. At age 13 I weighed 290lbs. I've never experienced what it was like to not shop in a plus size store, to not struggle with self image and self hate. It's been just as hard mentally if not physicall dealing with the weightloss, changing my lifestyle and getting healthy. Whenever I feel a little down on myself I can look at my transformation photos and it usually gives me a little kick/reminder of how far I've come. It's crazy how this picture looks like 2 complete different people.
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At 12 months and 1 day I met my goal of 180lbs. What a shock that was. Complete disbelief. In all honesty I never thought I could get below 200lbs. Not only did I meet my goal by 13 months I was 8lbs below my goal weight. I am no longer considered over weight for my height of 5`10.
Part of my journey was to get here...the next part is to stay here. I know it will be harder then the weight loss. Having to constantly battle my food addiction is a hard chore I do give in to temptation but I try not to feel guilty as I'm so active, The hard part is to follow the 80/20 rule..80% on track 20% cheat. I try to stay closer to 90/10 because I know if I cheat to much I will fall off track very easily. It's so easy to fall back into old habits and make unhealthy food choices. All I can do is set myself up for success by having fresh fruit and veggies conveniently ready to go. A protein bar, piece or container of fruit, nature valley granola bars..those are my quick go to's. It's a chore and pain in the butt to do the prep work, but when it's ready for me in the fridge it's better for me then prepacked junk. HOME SWEET HOME So my husband went back to work and the kids back to school. It was kinda scary being on my own at home. I could barely get out of bed. But I tried to make the best of it. I was diagnosed with bacteria in my stomach so on top of learning a new way of eating I had a tonne of meds I had to fit in. All this plus 6 syringes of antibiotics a day. Now imagine stuffing that into an egg plus adding nourishment. It was next to impossible! I just did the best I could and no I didn't get everything in. I physically could not do it. The first 2 weeks I took off work and spent at home recovering. It felt like all I did was eat. Meds, drink,vitamins, drink, pills, drink, iron, drink. 3 weeks of liquids, 2 weeks of purees and 2 weeks of soft foods. My job was to heal and eat. I actually went back to work after 2 weeks....I was off the painkillers after 1 week and felt good enough to work.
I wake up in recovery, I am ALIVE!!! My surgery went well. I remember feeling the most incredible burning sensation in my stomach. The nurse asked me what my pain was and I said 8/10. I was then given a morphine shot which took the edge off. I had the Roux-En-Y surgery otherwise know as the Gastric Bypass. My stomach was stapled to size of an egg and my small intestine was rerouted 150cm down. So it helps by restricting the amount of food intake and malabsorption. My blood pressure spiked in recovery. I was given sublingual meds which burnt all the tissues in my mouth and peeled all the skin...it was pretty horrible. I was in recovery for 8 hours because of the high blood pressure. NO one is allowed to visit you in there but they made an exception. It was so wonderful that my family was able to "sneak" in and visit me quickly. I really needed that. I told them that I loved them and it was honestly just so amazing to have them by my side when I needed them. The nurse got me up to use the washroom and then my blood pressure stabilized and I was moved to the cardiac unit(2 south) so they could monitor my breathing. As they were wheeling me out of recovery past the cafeteria I got whiff of that hospital food and felt sooooo hungry. That was weird. I just had my stomach cut in half and my intestines rerouted and I wanted to eat??? I got into my room which I had to share with 3 other people. Definitely not a clean place. The washroom smelt like pee and it was all men!! But I couldn't be fussy..as long as I had pain management and a buzzer for emergencies I would be out in a day. Well that 1 day turned in 5 days because of complications with bleeding. My first night again I was alone.....Rob had to attend to the kids and animals at home. I would see him the next day. I slept ok but my breathing kept stopping so the nurse was constantly in my room checking on me and waking me up. In the morning I woke up to my neighbour peeing on the floor. I put my blanket over my nose and prayed for my family to come quick. When the nurse came in all I could say was "He peed on the floor and it stinks". Thank goodness I only had to spend 2 nights in that room. I was then moved to 4 north and the nurses there were amazing. I ended up with 5 little incisions but I was loosing a lot of blood in my drain so I spent 3 nights in 4 North with the most wonderful nurses. The pain was a lot more then what I expected. There was one day I couldn't even get out of bed. I had no appetite and they were always on me about eating. I just tried my best and didn't stress about it.
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