Where I live is a 2 hour drive from my surgeon and hospital so we decided to stay at a hotel the night before. My surgery was first in the morning and I had to be at the hospital by 6:30 Am. We got a nice place next door to the hospital. Just hung out in the room as there was no pool to swim in. My daughter had dance pictures the next day so I practiced doing her hair to try and keep my mind off things. As the evening progressed I layed in bed cuddling her like no tomorrow. I started crying and really thinking if this was the right decision for me. Am I strong enough?? Physically, Emotionally?? Can I really do this?? Will I succeed? Will I DIE?? I'm terrified what the "losers bench" is going to be. As bad as I wanted this surgery, I started having second thoughts. With my daughter laying beside me in bed and cuddling the crap out of her scared it may be the last time I see her if the worst happens. I looked into her eyes and knew I had to do this surgery for her....for my son...for my family. I needed this tool to help reach my weight loss goals. I live my life for my kids and I don't want to die young from obesity and leave them motherless. I remember even telling my husband to make sure he did whatever it took to keep our son ( from a previous relationship) safe from his birth father. He told me not to talk like that and I would be fine. As you can imagine sleep that night was maybe 2 hours. My mind was going a mile a minute. Excitement, scared, curiosity.
The morning of surgery we left the kids at the hotel while my husband walked me over to the hospital. He went to grab a coffee and I sat in the hallway all by myself waiting for the next step. I really wish he was there beside me and when he came back I didn't yell at him but was most definitely upset that he spent 20-30 mins getting coffee while I sat in a dark hallway awaiting this life changing surgery. Finally the nurse came and checked me in. I got my weight taken, had to wash myself with a special soap, put on a gown and some special socks. I got my IV hooked up along with a little cap to keep my hair back. The nurse gave me a small cup of water with a whack of pills and down they went. Now it was the hurry up and wait game. With my husband by my side I knew I was going to rock this surgery and see everyone on the other side.
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This is me. At 372lbs I was delusional about my weight to say the least. I was working full time and being a mom. I still had mobility and thought I looked OK. I look back now at my before pictures and I feel embarrassment. How did I let myself get this FAT??? What was I thinking?? When the doctor said I was borderline diabetic and I was fighting high blood pressure it didn't phase me. Despite giving birth 3 times I was also suffering from infertility due to my weight. That still wasn't enough to motivate me to get healthy.
I made the decision to have weight loss surgery after following a friends journey on facebook. Isn't facebook a wonderful thing?? I went to my doctor and told her this was something I wanted to do and she jumped on board with me. My referral went in May 2013. I had no idea what to expect or how this whole process worked. Then Sept 2014 I got a call for an "Orientation" in October. I jumped at the chance. This was it!! The time is now!!! So I took the day off work and made the 2 hour commute to my session. Those days leading up not much was going on in my head...kinda seemed surreal. I pulled up to the Garratt Wellness Centre wondering what the heck this was all about as they were located in an old school. I went in with sweaty palms and nervous as hell. Along with my weight I suffered from extreme anxiety that would give me panic attacks. I hated going out in public.....only if i absolutely had too. To my surprise I was greeted with smiles and handshakes. They weren't scared to touch me...to catch my FAT disease. Also surprisingly myself and another girl who sat next to me were the smallest people of the group of 25-30. At 372lbs I was small!!! Looking at all those people in the room with me I began to think maybe I didn't need it as much as them. At least I could still function...maybe I could do this on my own. Then my new friend beside me looked at me and told me " You deserve this as much as anyone else". She was right! I did deserve it. I was morbidly obese. Just because I wasn't 500LBS (YET) didn't mean I didn't deserve to be there. Thanks to her (Laurie) she boosted my confidence. I walked away that day with a crap load of information, specialist appointments and a hope that maybe one day I could be "normal'. The next couple of months went by...I had a bone density scan, ultrasound, sleep apnea test, met with a dietitian, occupation therapist and physical activity person. I set goals, lost weight, gained weight, cried but was seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. In the long run the 7 months I waited for surgery is a very short period of time, but everyday that I was living those 7 months felt like it would never end. Then one day it happened!!!! I got "THE CALL". I ran through my house like a gazelle springing through a field. Here is it, my dream of being "normal" is coming true!! I met with my bariatric surgeon at Richmond Hospital. I also met 2 other people that day that had gotten "the call" and were hopeful for surgery. This was it. I was going to be approved or denied by him. I went and had my consult and he said I was approved! I then went across the street to his office where the other 2 people got surgery dates and scope dates. I left with a scope date but no surgery date as my sleep apnea test still needed to be done. I got that damn thing done and got a date within 3 weeks!!!! What a game changer that was. I was on a restrictive diet for 3 weeks prior to my surgery. I went from 372lbs to 336lbs in 3 weeks! I lost 36lbs, none of the team could believe that I lost that much weight. My last test was the scope. I dreaded this appointment. I had one before while I was awake and it was not pleasant. They assured me I would be sedated and would be comfortable. So back down to RGH I go with my husband as a driver. I get changed into one of those hospital gowns, lay down in a bed and wait.....wait.....wait.......wait. Finally I get wheeled into the room and given the sedation.....NOTHING HAPPENS. Before I know that tube is shoved down my throat, I'm gagging, puking in my hair, gasping for air, freaking right out. The sedation didn't work and that was the longest 5 mins of my life! Finally I was able to leave and on the way home the sedation hit. I laughed like a hyena, called my son and told him I was high, then passed out. Probably a good thing for my husband. The next thing I remember is waking up the next morning. All the blood vessels broken around my eyes from gagging so hard on that scope. That by far was the worse experience of the whole thing. NEXT PAGE WILL START THE NIGHT BEFORE SURGERY So I guess this is the beginning of my blog. My own personal space where I can unleash the many thoughts I have randomly going through my brain along with my life story. The good, bad and ugly. I'm going to try and be as raw and honest as I can, mainly focusing on my weight loss story and fitness goals.
First off I live in a small city, I have lived here my whole life and kinda like it. My childhood wasn't the greatest but I had clothes, food, education and parents...for the most part. I am a certified dental assistant and really enjoy my career. I love the girls (and guys) that I work with and it pays the bills. I have 2 children who mean everything to me and are the reason I am where I am today. I refer to my daughter as my precious angel sent from heaven just for me. My son has been dealt a tough card with ADHD, ODD, OCD and Conduct disorder but without him....I wouldn't be complete. I'm married for 5 years but have been with the love of my life for 10 amazing years!! I'm also a food addict and have struggled with weight my entire life. I have lost 197lbs with roux-en-y weight loss surgery and a lot of hard work at the gym in the last 12 months! Last but not least I am a birthmom. Something I am proud of but don't share with many. |
AuthorI'm a full time working mom of 2 that is focused on my career, family and fitness. |